oh hi.

one time when I was a waitress I dropped a dirty steak knife down the shirt of a rather large woman. In my panic, my reflexes reached for it just as her cleavage swallowed the knife whole and i was left fondling her boobs.
it was her birthday.
creeps
my pets
lets be friends
life

→ chat chat

Remember that time my Internet was down for a couple weeks and I lost a gagillion followers? Me, I’ll be back in one week tumblr, stop being lame

9:22 am | May 24 2012

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1:54 pm | May 10 2012 | 640 notes

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1:52 pm | May 10 2012 | 3,491 notes

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1:38 pm | May 10 2012 | 3,327 notes

hahahahaha

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1:34 pm | May 10 2012 | 23,197 notes

you guys i thought it was boobies

(Source: ohnopurple, via the-absolute-best-gifs)

1:17 pm | May 10 2012 | 108,169 notes

chris is my favvvvvv

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2:15 pm | May 7 2012 | 8,793 notes

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4:20 am | May 7 2012 | 156,768 notes

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4:09 am | May 7 2012 | 120 notes

wtf

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2:03 am | May 7 2012 | 520,606 notes

The difference between bees and wasps.

Bee:	Hi there friend! How are you today? I'm just doing my job, pollinating flowers and all, no need to be afraid of me, I'm just happy I get to enjoy this wonderful weather with you.
Wasp:	Oh hey motherfucker, wanna go? I swear I will kill any cunt stupid enough to get 3 feet near me, I can sting you, and it will be the nastiest feeling you've had in awhile. Buzz Buzz, asshole. Bet that hurts doesn't it? Stupid fuck.

1:24 am | May 7 2012 | 74,613 notes